look what i found

http://matertuus.livejournal.com/

wheee.

four years of amy bergen

if you can stand it

and my dear brother introduced me to http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/ go forth and be misanthropic.

i love you

yaaaaaaaaaayamericayaaaaaaaay

for the first time in my higher-education life that idiot is not president

:) 

can i get in trouble for saying that? 

anyways, now i don't know who to blame everything on. taking personal responsibility is, as always, out of the question. 

exult america!

happy 09!

new year! new president! new semester! ....

...same old aminator. i watched so much mtv that my brain turned into a marshmallow. i left the house for the first time in three days. i slept and slept and slept and i'm still sleepy as fuck.

but the meds appear to be working, so, i'm happy. i don't know if i should get a bigger dose on my re-up, i don't want to mess with a good thing.

i wanna move to brooklyn soooo baaaad but i dont want to go through the whole roommate rigamarole (i don't mind roommates, i just mind rejection :( and i'll see enough rejection in whatever my chosen career is) so i guess i'm looking for a studio. heaven help me.

and also...i do want to live, i just want to do it RIGHT. i'm tired of being the only one whose problems are caused by her own irresponsibility and indiscretion.
xoxo

heart-space

tired and FREEZING and havent got anything to do for the next 3 days :)
need to find a place to call home. i live somewhere, but, it ain't home. not by any stretch of the imagination.

wondering how one "learns to be happy" or as mr. shutt told me "be what you want to seem" i mean i have a lot of things to be grateful for, but that doesn't mean i deserve to be happy, especially not after the things i've done lately.

does it?

thief of joy

christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.
one of my dear friends, to whom i haven't spoken in awhile, due to him being busy with other lovely things and me being in another city, doesnt celebrate christmas either religiously or culturally. he is pure atheist.
if i were an atheist, which i am not brave enough to be, i would still want to get presents - so i admire his conviction.

i am sad, but i'll be okay.

i just saw a spaceship fly past my window.

love

hello from the new york public library!

they don't have the book i need. but i love how libraries are the same the wide world over.

how am i ever going to finish all the reading i have to do? people need to stop writing new awesome books until we all can get caught up. (yeah, i just shot myself and a bunch of my friends in the foot there. sorry. damn stagnant economy, killing all our ambitions. aahhhh i know that's just an excuse. but still).
love
amy

sugar and spice and all things AWESOME

as a reminder to myself:
when i tell other people that i'm ugly or stupid or fat or selfish or lazy or whatever, what exactly am i getting at? what's my goal there?
it doesn't matter so much if i believe any of those things (often i do; sometimes i don't) but why i am so insistent that others know that if they are going to try to hurt me, i am already way ahead of them. defense mechanism. a lovely evolutionary tool, hard to get away from.
more on this later, of course. i'm just becoming aware of how i present myself to the world, at the ancient age of 26.

what i love right now: reading the kenyon college website and marveling at all the wonderful things that still happen at my alma mater.