heart-space

tired and FREEZING and havent got anything to do for the next 3 days :)
need to find a place to call home. i live somewhere, but, it ain't home. not by any stretch of the imagination.

wondering how one "learns to be happy" or as mr. shutt told me "be what you want to seem" i mean i have a lot of things to be grateful for, but that doesn't mean i deserve to be happy, especially not after the things i've done lately.

does it?

thief of joy

christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.
one of my dear friends, to whom i haven't spoken in awhile, due to him being busy with other lovely things and me being in another city, doesnt celebrate christmas either religiously or culturally. he is pure atheist.
if i were an atheist, which i am not brave enough to be, i would still want to get presents - so i admire his conviction.

i am sad, but i'll be okay.

i just saw a spaceship fly past my window.

love

hello from the new york public library!

they don't have the book i need. but i love how libraries are the same the wide world over.

how am i ever going to finish all the reading i have to do? people need to stop writing new awesome books until we all can get caught up. (yeah, i just shot myself and a bunch of my friends in the foot there. sorry. damn stagnant economy, killing all our ambitions. aahhhh i know that's just an excuse. but still).
love
amy

sugar and spice and all things AWESOME

as a reminder to myself:
when i tell other people that i'm ugly or stupid or fat or selfish or lazy or whatever, what exactly am i getting at? what's my goal there?
it doesn't matter so much if i believe any of those things (often i do; sometimes i don't) but why i am so insistent that others know that if they are going to try to hurt me, i am already way ahead of them. defense mechanism. a lovely evolutionary tool, hard to get away from.
more on this later, of course. i'm just becoming aware of how i present myself to the world, at the ancient age of 26.

what i love right now: reading the kenyon college website and marveling at all the wonderful things that still happen at my alma mater.

about

to my lovely invisible audience...
i'm not good at links yet but i'll build some in; evidently a forum such as this is made for drawing the reader's attention to obscure and interesting things one finds elsewhere on the internet. in the meantime i can tell you to go here http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/ if you haven't been already. miranda july is joy and love.

more beautiful stuff:
the washington d.c. metro system (i can't hear "last station stop in the commonwealth of virginia" without a shiver going down my spine)
anything by iron and wine, or sam beam, for that matter
Karen Russell's fantabulous book St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves
the short story "Audit", i think it was in the Paris Review book of People with Problems

look for a lovely thing, it's not far.

i miss my old apartment in Columbus. i miss twilight looking out on the city. I MISS MY BIKE. it is treacherous to ride a bike in NYC where i am now.

also: this is mostly fluff, i know. but a blog called "juice box and skittles" is hardly going to be a forum for meditations on the wars and woes of the world, or even deep thoughts of any stripe. just a place for frivolity, for saying all those things i can't say in conversation.

love

three regrets

oh i have many many others, full of shame and sadness. but, here are the three i share with you:

1)that i didn't hold hands with tony "guido" frame in the summer rainstorm at writing camp 

2) that i never applied to be a Kenyon Review associate. although i did, at one point, apparently, help myself to Doris Dilts' animal crackers when i was down in the office. and robbie made fun of me. 

3) that i wasn't there to see the eric l. grey-pants freakout (admittedly i was in the building, but, not at the scene. so few of you know what i'm referencing here and i want to keep it that way. but oh GOD i wish i could have seen that.) 

lovelovelove